Technology has a wonderful way of creating an immediate change, but our hearts and minds have a harder time making the adjustment to a reality without pain.  Each day I realize the significance of this in new and different ways. For my entire life, I have experienced pain to varying degrees and to levels of incapacitation. And so, to suddenly have my life shifted from experiencing torturous levels of pain that made each moment extremely difficult to having levels of pain that barely register for me, is a mind blowing experience.  So although I enjoy sitting up, walking, going outside in my scooter, reading a book....I am spending long stretches of these days in bed sleeping because I feel exhausted.  Some of Tante Tobia's insights, coming from her background in psychiatry, have been helpful.  For so long, I have been involved in an epic battle against pain to preserve who i was as a person. Now that pain has been largely removed, I am no longer battling against the pain. However the pain has etched itself in my life and has impacted me in profound ways.  Therefore, I am just beginning the process of  "finding my balance" and  reconstructing or re-understanding who i am in the absence of incapacitating pain.  My challenge is to discover what 'normal' is.  This is both an exciting and daunting challenge.  Much of what lies ahead is unknown.

3/23/2012 08:36:30 am

Having gone through all you have since I have known you, I would hope finding yourself will in a way be a cake walk in comparison. You are a fighter, fight on my friend. We are putting a surprise Birthday party for Ruby's 90th tomorrow. Just picked up my projector at your house, Quote a bit of excitement there, for many reasons. Me

3/23/2012 10:51:51 am

This is helpful for me. I'm curious and anxious to explore this further with you!
The girls will be coming to our place tomorrow night & we'll take them to the airport tomorrow. Will talk, at a later date about picking you up/getting your car to you.
Love to you both~

Jeff and Ann-Marie
3/24/2012 02:31:42 am

You WILL find your way....of this we are sure!!! And, Jeff says he really needs to chat with you...

Matt Veith
3/24/2012 06:04:43 am

I'm really excited to imagine about what may be in your future, Uncle Rod! More time for speed-reading of volumes of interesting books... I've been doing a surface analysis of the Lincoln-Douglas debates for an essay I'm doing, and so I'm remembering our conversations about media and the like.

Think about all the books you'll be able to read! Ha!


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    Rod and Susan

    "If Pain is the ring, Frodo is to Rod as Sam is to Susan."
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